This Means War
by Silvertongued Mischief
Summary: Sarah's underwear has been liberated. Glitter everywhere. A wedding to attend with rhyming and a transvestite.
1. Chapter 1

Her left eye twitched in irritation and mild insanity as she saw the state of her usually immaculate apartment. Everything was askew, muddy and misplaced. It looked as if it had been in the direct path of a tornado…

'A glittery tornado…'Sarah growled.

She stalked into her bedroom and screamed indignantly when she found all her undergarments were stolen. And little dirty goblin fingerprints were everywhere including her crisp white Egyptian cotton sheets.

She resisted the urge to stamp her foot like she would have at 15 at the outrage. When she had turned 18 he had started leaving gifts every-bloody-where he could manage and had for five years. In rebellion she tossed them all away whenever they were found, though they 'miraculously' appeared over and over again.

She ignored his constant popping in and out of her mirrors, trying to get her attention and tease her, after getting over the mild heart attacks that ensued.

'So this is how you act when rejected for the umpteenth time, Goblin King?' she sneered, rolled up her sleeves, and marched up to her vanity dresser and stormed 'through the looking glass.'

'This means war…'

And she was in the Underground. Since her adventure in the Labyrinth, Sarah had kept in contact with her friends and often visited them. Sir Didymus, for tea and to listen to the brave fuzzy knight regale on his past. Hoggle, for his walks through the Labyrinth and around it, studying the life around them. She never knew he was so knowledgeable about the plants and creatures. Ludo, though not keen on conversation , guided her through the forest, helping her enjoy the world she had paid no attention to the first time around.

All the while she blatantly ignored their sovereign. Sarah knew it infuriated him and did it for that reason.

Sarah looked about her and her mood darkened further. It was dark, gloomy and RAINING! She knew he had something to do with it.

'Glittery jerk,' she muttered and groaned when she realized she was wearing a white top that was currently clinging to every curve of her torso.

Sarah sighed and began to jog through the Labyrinth. She had noticed over the years that the Labyrinth seemed to bend to her Will instead of hindering her. Before she killed the man in sinfully tight breeches, she'd have to ask.

In what seemed not so long at all, she reached the Goblin City Gate. She swore in thought when she that the normally narcoleptic guard was replaced by a strangely dressed hunchbacked creepy looking man.

When she approached, the man acknowledged her with a disturbing quirk of his lips, 'Ah,' he simply said.

'Can I go through?' Sarah asked.

He seemed irritated that she had spoken but grabbed her wrist indifferently and nearly dragged her into the Castle Beyond the Goblin City. She nearly drop kicked him but he unceremoniously thrust her into the Throne Room.

What the brunette saw was not the arrogant Goblin King sitting enticingly on his Crescent Throne, but a man in lingerie. HER UNDERWEAR! Sarah felt her body flush as she couldn't tear her eyes away. It was like a train wreck.

'Why hellloo…' this man drawled in a baritone voice, raising his eyebrow at her soaked form.

'Uh…hi,' Sarah managed.

'She was at the Gate, Master,' the creepy hunchbacked man with the nasally voice stated.

'Indeed,' the transvestite licked his teeth.

"Who are you?' what Sarah didn't add was *WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY UNDERWEAR!*

'Frank N. Furter,' he rose and sauntered over and invaded her personal space, 'I'm a man of the most _delicious_ sort.'

'Frank' lazily traved a finger down her collarbone, causing her to shudder.

'That is quite enough,' she heard a familiar voice growl.

The Goblin King, in all his tight panted splendor, strode inw itha click to his heels.

'Oh dear, quite fond of this human are we, brother?' Frank smiled, 'Well she is a delicious thing, you simply _must_ share…' he continued to trace his finger on her flesh.

Jareth ignored his brother's suggestion and rounded on him. 'I leave you alone to watch my kingdom for ONE turn of the hourglass and you do THIS?' he swept his arm about to emphasize.

'I rather thought it was an improvement,' Frank chirped and sashayed over to Jareth.

Jareth suppressed a shudder, 'My goblins are suddenly compelled to rape chickens and the chickens in turn are causing a revolution!' he shouted, losing his composure.

'Just spreading the love,' his brother drawled.

*Ew,* Sarah thought despondently.

If it weren't for where she was or who was wearing her undergarments she would have found it a little funny. Jareth conjured a crystal and threw it violently at Frank, who disappeared with vast amounts of glitter and a laugh. She looked around for the man who called him 'Master' to see he vanished as well.

'To the Bog of Eternal Stench he goes?' Sarah asked with a hopeful look in her green eyes.

'Sadly no, Royalty does have its perks in punishments,' Jareth replied, pinching the bridge of his nose.

'Well with him thankfully out of the way,' Sarah propped her hands on her shapely hips, 'WHY DID YOU STEAL MY UNDERWEAR?'

The Goblin King suddenly grinned showing off his sharp teeth, 'For fun,' he answered and threw himself on his throne, hanging one leg over the side.

'Oh so fun for you is to steal my things and let him wear it?' Sarah retorted.

''Tis but an added bonus,' his eyes shone with amusement, 'but it _did_ get your attention,' Jareth nearly laughed at her expression, not wanting to admit he had no idea his brother went through his room…which he would have to sterilize.

Sarah almost lunged to strangle him but took a deep breath, 'Aside from what he is wearing, can I have it all back?'

'Yes, but,' he held up a gloved finger, 'Only If you will accompany me to Tarrant Hightopp's Wedding.'

'Who?' Sarah queried incredulously.

'You would know him as the Mad Hatter, he is alo a brother,' Jareth grinned as her jaw dropped.

'Who else are you related to?'

'Robin Goodfellow, and Hades to name a few,' he chuckled.

'One hell of a family reunion,' she muttered.

'Indeed,' he nodded, 'Now, our agreement?'

'Only if you leave my apartment, car and belongings alone from this day on,' Sarah growled.

'Deal,' Jareth grinned when she had forgotten to add her person and snapped his fingers.

Hi everyone! I had this idea when I was in Walmart so I decided to try and do a fan fiction. I do not own any of the characters mentioned though I do play with them on occasion. Comment please and only constructive critique. This is really just a long one-shot.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again! New chapter! Again I do not own them save for in my dreams :P

The world dissolved and in its place something so bizarre it would forever be etched in her mind.

_Underland._

It was bright and loud in the colors alone and her mind almost went into overload. The people of the party were dressed in their finest which also happened to rival the most outrageous 80's music video. They laughed and danced on the tables where there were hundreds if not thousands of various teacups.

Sarah looked down and discovered that she was dressed in what she could only label as the rejected fashion of the Victorian period. It was a mixture of very many colors and yet it accented her quite well, oddly enough.

'I think you look quite charming, my dear,' Jareth commented as he put a hand to the small of her back, 'Though your soaking clinging clothes were quite fetching themselves.'

Sarah took a look at him and pealed in laughter. His white-blond and wild hair was streaked with insane amounts of glitter of Easter colors. His breeches were tight, as usual, and a glittery black. But his shirt and vest were so bright and unusual she felt as if her mind would simply stop functioning.

'I wish I had my camera,' Sarah grinned and suddenly her camera popped into existence and floated into her hands. She looked down at it and sighed, 'If only pizza delivery was that fast.'

Jareth didn't seem put off at her laugh but was quite surprised at her reaction to her wishes being granted. And he nearly kicked himself for thinking it.

'But this does remind me,' she said suddenly, 'Why does the Labyrinth behave towards me now…and I suppose this too would deserve an explanation.'

Jareth had hoped to have her inebriated before explaining it but sighed inwardly, 'Because you are the Champion of the Labyrinth, for you are the only one to ever defeat it, you are entitled to have the kingdom and its Magicks.'

'Awww so you have to share?' Sarah teased.

'Yes,' Jareth went behind her and lightly pressed his body against her, letting his breath tickle her ear, 'But I'd prefer to share it with you as my Queen,' he knew by her shiver what she was feeling.

'Right,' she stammered, 'I looked back at my wayward adventure and it wasn't hard at all, why am I the only one to beat it?'

'Because you got to the _heart_,' he answered quietly, and she knew she didn't just mean the Labyrinth.

'I'm still mad at you,' and she forced herself to move herself away from him and his autumn scent.

Sarah was reminded of autumn and the spices that went with it when she was near him. It was quite addicting but she had to fight. Granted she had only fought with him tooth and nail , but secretly she wanted…well him. But she wasn't going to tell him that. Thankfully she wouldn't have to because a very comely flaxon-haired woman strolled over.

"Well hello Jareth,' she nodded at the Goblin King respectfully and her eyes twinkled as she saw Sarah, 'And it is a pleasure to meet you Lady Sarah.'

'Pleased to meet you too, Lady Alice,' somehow Sarah knew that was exactly who this young woman was.

Alice was dressed in a frosty blue gown with lace and long white boots. Her hair was cascaded down to the small of her back and was placed in gentle ringlets that framed her heart-shaped face. She wore a very small white top hat on her head that reminded Sarah of an 'anime Lolita girl'. She was quite fetching and Sarah was in envy.

Jareth bent to kiss Alice on the cheek and smiled, 'Nice to see you again, sister.'

'I'm not a sister quite yet, Jareth, but in due time,' she laughed.

'Oh I knew it was you Jareth, I found glitter at the front of the Table of Teas and Refreshment,' a smiling voice behind them said, 'And it was almost in my tea.'

They turned to see what Sarah assumed was the Mad Hatter. She was surprised to see that he was not as flamboyantly dressed as his guests but actually was dressed to match his lady.

'Mother raised me to teleport with glitter,' Jareth shrugged and clasped his brother's shoulder warmly.

Sarah was quite astounded by Jareth's behavior. He didn't come off as an arrogant wicked baby stealing king when he was around others. But then she had only been around him when he had a job to do. She wasn't sure if she liked this judgement check.

'Well helllloo…'Sarah knew that voice and nearly ran.

The party turned to see Frank N. Freaky in his most regal…undergarments. It was blindingly white, tight, and sparkly. Sarah almost wished to bleach out her eyes. Tarrant, however, seemed to completely ignore the state of undress and eagerly hugged his kin. Alice was in the same Bog as Sarah and stood by her for some comfort. Jareth mumbled curses and clutched Sarah's hand protectively.

'Upon this Midsummer Night I found, something to shock and astound, Sparkling fabric everywhere, on a kinsmen's underwear,' a cheerful voice said to the side of them.

Sarah saw a brunette boy that looked to be about 13 yet with ageless eyes. She looked down to see he had the legs of a goat and knew it to be Robin Goodfellow.

'Well hello Puck,' Alice said, happy for the distraction.

'Greetings to the Champion of Underland, and to the one of Underground, 'tis a wedding I'm to understand, that I have so gladly found,' he replied merrily.

'Well,' Hatter said jovially, 'Now that the last of the guests have arrived, I do believe I should be married.'

And so Tarrant the Mad Hatter and Alice were wed, and tea cups were thrown into the night air in celebration.

'That's it?' Sarah whispered in Jareth's ear.

'Why should things be complicated in Underland?' he responded.

Sarah managed not to retort as she was swept into a dance with the Goblin King. She thought as her poor feet complained hours later that she must have danced with everyone at least thrice. Yet after Jareth had given her tea, she seemed not to have a care in the world. It never crossed her mind that he spiked her tea.

Jareth very amused and only very slightly tipsy transported her back to his kingdom in the wee hours of the morning. He settled her now sleeping form into his bed and slid in with her and held her protectively against him. She snuggled up against him completely unaware. The Goblin King knew he would deal with a spitfire in the morning. But he was content that it was _his_ spitfire.


End file.
